


you can set yourself on fire but you're never gonna burn

by zanthetran



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Wipe, pre s11 rewrite, this fic isn't sad tho yall don't worry, trigger warnings for talk about suicidal thoughts and depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26142121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanthetran/pseuds/zanthetran
Summary: timelines are weird. Yaz still runs away, still ends up on the side of that road outside of Sheffield, and then what?she ends up chasing a dinosaur with a blonde alien who apparently knows her in the future — that’s what.a short pre s11 rewrite.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	you can set yourself on fire but you're never gonna burn

**Author's Note:**

> HEED THE TRIGGER WARNINGS YALL.
> 
> I’ve sorta always seen the can you hear me scenes as suicidal ideation and it like super Hits Home with me idk might just be me projecting (is probably just me projecting) but that’s what fanfic is for amirite ladies
> 
> title from: crazy=genius by panic! at the disco

“You haven’t seen anythin’ strange round here recently, have you?”

Yaz whips her head around to find a woman standing a few feet behind her, hands on her knees and breathing heavy. She looks like she’s just trekked up the side of the hill and she stares down at a rectangular device in her hand, antenna pointed towards Yaz. Blonde hair sticks to her temples where she sweats.

“Where did you come from?” Yaz asks skeptically, looking around for a car of some sort. The road they stand next to is flanked on either side by grassfields that stretch as far as Yaz can see. They’re literally alone in the middle of nowhere, and there isn’t a car in sight which means this woman…walked? From where?

The woman looks around as well like she’s looking for something, then waves in a direction behind her. “Somewhere over there, I think. She’ll find me,” she says, looking back down at the device in her hands. It beeps every so often and she takes a step forward. “So, anything weird? An…animal, of some sort, maybe?”

She takes a step to the right and the device stops beeping, so she takes a step back to the left and it beeps again. She moves slowly, staring down at the screen the entire time. She takes a step onto the road and Yaz reaches out, grabbing her sleeve. There aren’t any cars as far as she can see but like, this woman doesn’t seem the most observant right now, and the last thing Yaz needs is to be framed for murder or something.

“What are you looking for?” she asks, trying to look at the screen on the device.

“Well, a dinosaur, kind of. Not _really_ a dinosaur but —“ her words cut off when she looks up, finally looking properly at Yaz for the first time. She takes a step back and looks around them, then narrows her eyes at Yaz. “Did you tell me your name yet?”

“No?”

“Doctor. The Doctor. That’s me, not you. I mean, it could be you but that would be… _really_ weird. And your name?” The woman — the _Doctor,_ apparently — sticks her hand out.

“Yasmin Khan,” Yaz says, taking her hand. “Wait, did you say _dinosaur_?”

The Doctor looks down at the device in her hands and presses a button. “Oh yeah, right, dinosaur. Sort of. Why are you here, Yasmin Khan?”

Yaz crosses her arms over her chest and raises her chin. “Why are _you_ here?” she challenges.

The Doctor’s mouth opens then closes as she falters. “I uh — I have a dinosaur to catch. Why _am_ I here?” The last part doesn’t seem directed at Yaz and the Doctor looks off into the distance, the same way she had waved earlier. “Have you ever thought about going by Yaz?” she asks when she turns back around.

“That’s what my family calls me,” Yaz says.

The Doctor’s face brightens. “Brilliant. And how are they?”

“Do I know you?” Yaz asks, because this woman is asking a _lot_ of personal questions, like she knows Yaz already or something.

The Doctor hesitates, then she says, “No, you definitely don’t know me.”

Okay, that’s not fucking cryptic or anything.

“Right, so why are you here? Talking to me in the middle of a field?”

“I _told_ you, Yaz. Lookin’ for a dinosaur, keep up. Now, same question.” The Doctor points at her.

Yaz chews on the inside of her cheek. Should she really tell a random stranger who appeared in a field that she’s running away — technically _alone._ Isn’t that how people get kidnapped?

Listen, if she’s going to die she wants it to be on her terms and not because she’s been murdered in a field by some random woman.

“Waitin’ for a friend,” she lies.

The Doctor’s eyes narrow again and Yaz could swear she’s like, reading her mind or something.

“How old are you?”

Yaz takes a step back, towards her bag and coat still sitting on the ground. She feels the edge of her phone in her hoodie pocket. She thinks about dialing 999 but it would take a while for anyone to get out here (Yaz isn’t even entirely sure how _she_ got all the way out here, other than a lot of walking that she was mostly numb to).

“Someone is waiting for me so if you do anythin’ they’ll know,” Yaz lies again, her voice coming out surprisingly calm for how panicked she’s started to feel.

The Doctor’s eyes widen and she takes her own step back, device now forgotten at her side. “No! Yaz, no, that’s not — I’m not — alright, that was a weird question, I’ll admit,” she babbles. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I’m a…zoologist, looking for a runaway animal. I’m not here to hurt you.”

A zoologist and a runaway animal — and she’s dressed like _that_? Also, _I’m not here to hurt you_? That’s straight out of a horror movie.

She may be depressed and probably more than a bit suicidal, but she isn’t stupid.

“A zoologist,” Yaz repeats. “So where’s your car? Or equipment?”

The Doctor holds up the beeping device. “Equipment! As for the car, I’m a shoddy driver. Learned once, but my legs were much longer then. Dunno if I can drive in this body. Anyways, dinosaur? Seen one? We’ve been on this question for a few minutes now.”

“No, haven’t seen anything.”

“How long you been out here?” the Doctor asks, taking a step into the road, then another as the device beeps louder. Yaz debates for a few seconds, then picks up her backpack and coat and follows her. The Doctor picks up speed to a normal walk as they follow the beeping.

“A few hours, I think.” She has no idea, actually. She left in the morning and then got a ride out of Sheffield and then…she walked. And then she ended up on the road.

“That’s a long time to be alone. Where you off to? You goin’ on a trip?”

“You could say that.”

They’re quiet for a long while, the only sound on the hills being the beeping machine, the wind, and their footsteps on the soft grass.

“Where did the dinosaur come from?” She’s definitely assuming dinosaur is just what the Doctor is calling the animal.

“A while back, think someone was having a bit of fun and ended up sending it forward, but not nearly far enough.”

“Wait, sending it forward where?”

The Doctor pants as they climb up a steep hill. “23rd century, maybe? Not really sure, gonna have to figure that out when I catch him. Do you know how to use a lasso?”

“No, definitely not,” Yaz answers. “So you’re a time traveller then?”

“You sure are full of questions, aren’t ya?” the Doctor says. “Time, space, y’know, the normal stuff.”

“So you’re not a zoologist then,” Yaz says.

“Definitely not a zoologist, sorry. Though I do know a lot about penguins!” She raises a sliver tube towards the device in her hand, then looks up. “Okay, that way a bit. Should be able to set a trap, he isn’t big.” She starts off towards the tree line in the distance.

“Are you an alien?”

The Doctor stops and turns, raising an eyebrow. “And what would give you that idea, Yasmin Khan?”

Yaz shrugs. “You seem weird, like an alien.”

At that the Doctor huffs. “Weird, of course.” She turns back the way they were walking and continues towards the tree line. “Where’s your trip?”

“My what?”

The Doctor nods towards her backpack. “Where ya’ headed?”

“Dunno.” Yaz shrugs. “Away, I guess.”

“Don’t you have family waitin’ for you?”

“Dunno,” Yaz repeats and thinks about Sonya’s texts every few minutes. Her phone buzzes in her pocket. She ignores it.

“I’m sure they’ll miss you, if you’re leaving,” the Doctor says.

“They’d be the only ones,” Yaz mumbles, quiet enough that no normal person would’ve been able to hear.

“Well I certainly would.”

“How could you miss me if we’ve only just met twenty minutes ago?”

The Doctor looks towards the trees, ignoring the question. “Right, I’ll be able to set a trap up there. Think I got what I need in my pockets. Hold this.” She hands the device to Yaz — it’s heavier than it looks. The screen is dark with green writing, a red dot at the top and a blue dot moving closer from the south (that must be them). The Doctor pulls out a length of thin rope from her pocket and a pocket knife.

“If you’re gonna kill me in the trees I’m gonna be super mad at you,” Yaz notes, looking down at the closed knife and rope.

The Doctor looks down as well, then makes a face. “Hate knives. Only idiots carry knives, but I had to. Thought it would come in handy today.”

Yaz follows her towards the trees and the Doctor gets to work, collecting two fairly long branches. She hands the rope to Yaz, then leaves and comes back with another brach, thinner than the rest. “Just, tie these so it’s like this,” she says bending the thin branch to make an arch and pointing to the notch on the bigger branch. Yaz puts the device down (now thankfully turned off — that beeping was giving her a headache) and drops her backpack next to it at the base of a large tree. She takes the branches from the Doctor and starts to attach the thin branch to the bigger one, just like she’d instructed.

She twines the rope around the wood and the watches as the Doctor cuts off a smaller branch, bringing it over to Yaz. She takes the wood from Yaz and sticks it hard in the dirt, making sure it’s steady before doing something with the rope, tying a slipknot at the end. She shoves a smaller stick into the hole she made on the side of the branch, then steps back to admire her work.

“Should do. I don’t think he’s much bigger than a chicken. You still have chickens, right?” she asks, turning around to where Yaz sits against the tree.

“Do chickens go away at some point?” Yaz counters.

“I shouldn’t tell you that,” the Doctor says, walking over and picking up the device. “Should probably hide until he comes.”

“Doesn’t it need bait or something?”

The Doctor starts, jumps in place. “Oh yeah! Smart one, you are.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small strip of…beef jerky.

“Beef jerky?”

“Dinosaurs love it. Dunno why,” the Doctor says, balancing the strip on the stick, inside the slipknot. “If this works the stick will fall when the dinosaur climbs on it to get the jerky, then the rope will tie it’s foot. After that it’s just takin’ him back to the tardis and dropping him off home.”

“Tardis?”

“My ship.”

Yaz follows her behind some trees nearby. The Doctor shrugs off her coat and lays it down on the ground, taking a seat on one end. She crosses her legs and looks up at Yaz, then pats the other end with her hand. “Might be a long wait.”

Yaz drops her stuff next to them and sits down on the coat. The Doctor wears a black shirt with a rainbow stripe across the front, mustard yellow braces clipped onto her blue culottes. She looks like she gets dressed in the dark.

“If you’re an alien then why do you look like a human? And sound like you’re from Yorkshire?”

The Doctor gives her a look. “That’s a very rude question, Yasmin Khan. You’re a lot better about alien appearances when you’re older.”

“Older?”

The Doctor’s eyes widen and her mouth clicks shut like she’s said something she shouldn’t have. “Nothing, ignore what I just said.”

“Do you know me in the future or something?”

A battle goes on behind the Doctor’s eyes — and her face tells the entire thing clear as day.

Yaz raises her brows. “You know me in the future, don’t you?” It’s not phrased like a question, more of a statement.

The Doctor looks up at the sky and makes a pained face. “I can’t tell ya that, Yaz,” she finally says, looking over at her.

Yaz leans back against the tree. Wow. So she doesn’t kill herself today, or any time soon at least. It’s a lot to take in. Like it’s one thing knowing you won’t, but it’s another to have actual confirmation that you’ll be alive in the future.

The Doctor taps her arm and leans forward, getting a better view of the trap. Yaz looks over and sees a…bird. It’s just a bird — feathers and all.

“Doctor, I think thats —“

“Shh! Don’t scare him away, he’s just a baby,” the Doctor hisses.

“That’s just a bird.”

The Doctor holds up the silver tube device and a weird noise comes out of it, then she looks at the side like she’s reading something. “Nope, it’s the dinosaur.”

“It looks like a chicken.” It does — well, except for the bright blue and green of its feathers, and the long neck. So maybe not a chicken.

The chicken-dinosaur pecks its way over to the trap, then inspects the piece of beef jerky. It waits a moment then hops up on the twig and all at once the trap is sprung. It’s foot gets caught in the slip knot as the twig falls from underneath it, and it makes a loud squaking noise. The Doctor jumps from the ground and runs toward the bird. She gets him back to the ground but keeps the rope around his leg. He pulls at it and she wraps the rope around her hand like a leash.

“Yaz, can you grab my coat? Careful about the pockets, got a lot of stuff in there,” she says over her shoulder, the bird pulling her towards the edge of the trees. Yaz slings on her backpack and grabs both of their coats, running after the Doctor. She’s already in the open field when Yaz emerges from the trees and catches up with her. The dinosaur still pulls on the rope but walks without trying to throw it off anymore.

She looks like she’s walking a dog.

“Can I have a biscuit?” the Doctor asks, nodding towards her coat.

Yaz sticks her hand in the pocket and when she pulls it out there’s a custard cream between her fingers. The Doctor plucks it from her hand and munches on it happily.

“Is your coat magic too?”

“Nah, just connected to my tardis. She set it up with a biscuit dispenser. Best coat I’ve ever owned, and I’ve owned a lot of coats.”

The dinosaur clucks.

“Are you sure that’s not a chicken?” Yaz asks again.

“Pretty sure. Sonic says it’s the right animal.”

“Who’s sonic?”

The Doctor looks really confused for a moment, then brightens and pulls out the silver tube she’s been carrying. Up close Yaz thinks it kinda looks like a bunch of spoons melted together, with an orange crystal at the end.

“My sonic! It’s a screwdriver. Built it myself,” she says proudly, pressing a button on it’s side. That weird noise comes out of it again and the crystal lights up.

“How is _that_ a screwdriver?”

“You really do ask a _lot_ of questions.”

Yaz raises a brow. The Doctor sort of half shrugs. “It just is! It’s more like a swiss army knife. Does lots of things — mostly a scanner.”

“A sonic swiss army knife?”

“No, not knife, I don’t do knives.” She puts the sonic back in her pants pocket. They cross the road Yaz had been sitting at and then keep going. The dinosaur clucks along with them as they go downhill, then back uphill. “Think it’s just on the other side of this hill,” the Doctor pants. When they get over the top they stop. At the bottom sits a dark blue police telephone box.

“Why is there a police box this far out?” Yaz asks.

“That’s me tardis! Beautiful girl,” the Doctor says, speeding up as they walk down the steep decline.

“You’re tellin’ me you fly around in _that_?”

The Doctor looks over her should, brow raised. “Wait til you see the inside to judge, Yaz.”

_Fine_ , Yaz thinks. She follows the Doctor towards the police box and waits with the impatient chicken as the Doctor pulls a chain from around her neck, unlocking the door. She looks over at Yaz with a grin then pushes ( _pull to open_ ) the door open and steps inside, pulling the dinosaur behind her.

Yaz rounds the doorway and steps in. Her eyes take a minute to adjust and she definitely expects to be like smashed against the Doctor in this small box but…she’s not. The inside opens up into a large room, big amber glowing crystal columns in a large circle, all pointing to the large one in the middle. Lights turn on from somewhere and when Yaz looks up the ceiling isn’t a ceiling — it’s the night sky. Stars dot all over and they’re so clear that it’s like she’s _right there._

“Impressed?” the Doctor asks, straightening up from where she’s tied the dinosaur to the edge of the console surrounding the center crystal column.

Yaz looks over at her — this woman who just _showed up_ in a field, helping her catch and transport an actual dinosaur, a woman who apparently knows Yaz in the future. She’s in an actual space ship with an actual alien (and a dinosaur).

Fuck.

“Nah,” she says, lips twitching up at the edges.

The Doctor raises her eyebrows and pulls a large lever down. The room shakes and shudders and there’s a long wheezing sound, and then everything comes to a stop. The Doctor nods towards the doors, arms crossed over her chest. “You can let him go.”

Yaz looks over at the dinosaur and unties him from the console. She tugs him towards the doors then pulls one open. The light that shines through is very different from the light that came from that field near Sheffield and when she looks they’re in a small clearing of trees. They’ve moved. Yaz looks back over her shoulder at the Doctor to make sure this isn’t some joke, then she sticks her head out the doorway.

Leaves rustle in the breeze and she hears a distant roar, still loud enough to shake her to her bones. She kneels down and loosens the rope on the dinosaurs foot and he jumps from the tardis, running into the thick forest. There’s one cluck, then a few answering clucks. He must’ve found his family, then. Maybe they were waiting for him. She listens to the chicken-dinosaurs clucking excitedly for a minute before closing the door.

She walks back up the stairs, towards the Doctor leaning against the console. “Can you take me home?” she asks. “Think I’d like to be with my family right about now.”

The Doctor smiles softly at her, nodding. “That I can do,” she says, moving around the console and pressing switches and buttons again before pulling that big lever. The room shakes a bit and Yaz holds onto the edge of the console to keep from falling over, and when they settle the Doctor says, “Sheffield, a few hours after you left.”

Yaz still kind of doesn’t believe it and checks her phone, and sure enough it’s the same time she had been sitting on the side of the road. She goes to the doors and when she opens one her flat building sits there, same as always.

A message pops up on the screen and Yaz looks down.

_Where are you? I’m gonna call someone soon if you don’t answer me._

It’s from Sonya. Yaz types out, _I’m at home_.

Home.

Yaz turns and pockets her phone, looking over at the blonde now looking busy at the console, touching switches and levers and knobs.

“Do you wanna come in for tea?” Yaz asks cause it sorta just feels like the right thing to do to say thank you to this woman who just basically saved her life. If she hadn’t come along, there’s no telling who would have.

The Doctor looks up like she’s taken off guard, then she smiles wide. “Course. Would love to. Love tea at Yaz’s.” She flips a switch and bounds over to where Yaz waits at the doors.

“You’ve been before, then?” It’s weird to talk about her future like it’s the Doctor’s past but…not the weirdest thing she’s experienced today by far.

The Doctor steps out of the tardis and into the cloudy day of Sheffield. Hasn’t rained yet, so that’s something. “Can’t tell ya that, Yaz. Does your dad make pakora yet?” she asks over her shoulder as she leads the way to Yaz’s flat — which is a strange feeling but Yaz just goes with it.

Yaz unlocks the front door and lets them both into the empty flat. Her parents are still at work and her sister is probably on her way home right now. She leaves her bag near the door and starts the kettle. The Doctor walks around the flat with her hands shoved into her pockets, looking at the books on the shelf and running her fingers over the old couch (they really need a new one cause this one is on it’s last legs). She prepares the tea and walks over to where the Doctor looks out the balcony window, handing her a steaming mug.

“When do we meet?” Yaz asks. It’s the question that’s been scratching at the back of her mind for the better part of two hours and she can’t resist asking.

The Doctor looks over at her like she already knows everything that goes on in her head — like she’s known Yaz for a while (which, she _has_ , so).

“I can’t tell ya that either, I’m afraid,” she says sadly.

“Can you tell me _anything_ about the future?” Seriously, what’s the point being friends with a time traveller if she can’t learn about the future at least.

The Doctor looks up like she’s actually thinking, then she says, “Stock up on hand sanitizer and masks now.”

“Wow, that’s not terribly cryptic or anything,” Yaz quips, rolling her eyes. “What about lottery numbers or something?”

The Doctor shakes her head. “Don’t know those, I’m afraid.”

“You’re really kinda useless, then, aren’t you?” Yaz asks, grin on her face when the Doctor looks highly offended.

“I’ll have you know I’m far from _useless._ I’ve met Agatha Christie! _And_ Nikola Tesla!”

“Who?” Yaz mocks as she turns and puts her half full mug on the counter, then picks up her bag from the hall and motions towards her room with a nod of her head. “Gonna unpack.”

The Doctor follows her and sits on her bed cross legged, cuppa still between her palms. She watches as Yaz pulls out a few t-shirts, refolding them before putting them back in the dresser.

“Think you’ll stay a while?” the Doctor asks.

“I dunno, do I?” Yaz counters curiously.

The Doctor doesn’t answer, just takes a sip of her tea.

“So what if you do something now that messes up the future? Like, tell me something I’m not supposed to know, or maybe say the wrong thing?” Yaz folds the jeans and puts them back in the second drawer.

“I’m gonna wipe your mind anyways, just gotta make sure I don’t leave too big of a lasting effect now,” the Doctor says.

Yaz freezes, looking over at her.

“You’re gonna do _what_?”

The Doctor looks awkward, like she hand’t meant to tell Yaz that now (or at all). “I gotta, Yaz. It could really mess up the future if I leave myself in your memory.”

“Or you _don’t_. Doesn’t seem quite fair that you’ll know me when I don’t know you,” Yaz points out.

“I don’t know you when we meet.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Yaz asks. She shakes her head and puts a palm up. “Wait, never mind. But you’re not wipin’ my memory, that’s for bloody sure.”

The Doctor puts the mug of tea on the nightstand. “Yaz, we don’t know each other when we meet. I need to make sure that still happens. At this point you’ll know me before I’m even _me_ , and that will change a _lot_ of things.” The Doctor’s hand slowly reaches forward towards her face. Yaz takes a step back.

“Don’t touch me,” she says sternly. The Doctor’s arm drops immediately.

“Yaz —“

Yaz shakes her head. “No, I don’t want to forget today. These memories are _mine,_ Doctor.”

“It won’t hurt, promise. I’ll leave you with a good day.”

“I don’t want a _good day,_ I want the day we had.,” Yaz protests, though she knows she’s definitely not winning this one.

The Doctor fiddles with the button on her coat and bites her lip. “I’m really sorry,” she says quietly.

Yaz quickly wipes at the tear that’s somehow made it’s way down her cheek and looks away.

“At least — just tell me one thing before you do?” Her eyes are rimmed red when she looks back to the Doctor.

The Doctor nods. “One thing.”

“Am I…” Yaz falters. She’s not sure what she wants to ask, really.

Am I alive? Am I stronger? Am I whole? _Am I okay_?

The Doctor looks at her and her face softens. She looks calm for the first time since Yaz had met her hours earlier. “Yeah,” she says quietly. “You’re good. Brilliant, actually.”

Yaz nods and tries to imagine herself in a year, in five years, in ten years — traveling with the Doctor and seeing the stars. Like always, the thoughts are hazy and not really solid plans for being alive.

“Am I stronger?” Yaz asks.

The Doctor bites her lip but nods quickly, like it’s not even a question. “Probably one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

Yaz has so many questions to ask that she almost doesn’t even remember about the memory wipe until the Doctor steps forward again. “I really need to do this, Yaz. I’m sorry.” Her hand lifts and the last thing Yaz hears is the Doctor’s soft voice as she falls back against her bed.

“Soon, Yaz. Just hang in there.”

* * *

She steps on the gas and the car accelerates down the road. Ryan holds on to the ‘oh-shit’ handle on the ceiling and he looks a bit pale — either from the speed or his thoughts going to the call with his nan earlier.

“Ryan, they’ll be okay. We’re almost there,” Yaz says, glancing over at him.

Ryan nods.

They climb in through a broken window at the front of the train. Ryan helps her up first and then climbs through himself, and Yaz turns on her torch when they both get their feet on the ground, glass crunching beneath them. There’s a loud crash and they share a look before taking off through the car.

Yaz stops in her tracks when they enter the next car to find a floating ball of cords hovering over some guy who looks like he’s actually gonna shit himself. Then there’s a bright blue flash and Yaz feels a sharp prick in her chest, and then the tangled cord thing shoots up though the ceiling and disappears into the night, leaving the 6 people left in the train car.

Her eyes go to the short blonde who moves towards them. “Fat lot of use you two were,” she says to Yaz and Ryan, then brushes past them as she moves towards the back of the train. Her voice washes over Yaz and she has that feeling when you _know_ something but have no idea from what. She tries to scan her brain — maybe she pulled her over before or something? Settled a domestic? She can’t remember anything (she would’ve remembered this woman, she’s sure of it) and goes after her.

“Hey! Hold on there please, madam. I need you to do as I say — this could be a potential crime scene.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always send ur love to @zanthetran on tumblr <3


End file.
